Bart Bart Blog

I heart Robots

2009-11-19T20:59:00.000-08:00

Have you ever seen Battlestar Galactica? No? That’s okay its not widely known outside of circles who own twenty sided dice. The quick rundown is it’s a TV series where people are flying around in Space looking for a new home while being chased by robots who are called Cylons . They look just like people but don’t look or come across very hardcore compared to Arnie asking for your clothes and your motorcycle. That said they are nasty nuked most of the human race.
An episode usually goes something like. OH NOES! Watch out the Cylons are coming in their fancy ships with wild dangerous lasers shooting all over. Run for your lives! Use your spaceships to warp jump throughout the universe as the evil machines chase your tail. Whose human? Whose machine? Nobody knows. Lucky everyone has a fancy spacesuit on and is hot.
The downside for me is the drama this entails. Emotions like hope and anger run high on this ship where the lesser of two evils sort of decisions happen constantly. Things blow up, people make out and the fate of humanity swings in the hands of fate.
I am torn. I love seeing robots fight people and explosions are great. The show could only get better if there were werewolves with huge jugs using light sabres to make delicious vegetable pastries. The thing I cannot stand is the sappy emotional 2 dimensional weepy wailing. Granted people do tend to get upset over things and being chased by hot robots in space would surely increase emotional vulnerability. Sure you are sad you have been dating a robot and she used a nuke to blow up your favourite planet. I understand, for my sanity and viewing pleasure please wipe away your tears and lead an air assault on the Cylon ore refinery.
So you got me Battlestar. I come back for more. You make me feel empty when you cry and touch yourself in the corner but your explosions are hot.
I have always sworn off soaps. Neighbours and Home and Away were avoided at all times. Battlestar has shown me something about myself. I like robots and space more than I hate shallow overacted drama.
Do the movies and TV shows we like to watch have to do with how much we relate with them. If you are into watching overweight people cry then you have options. There are lot of shows around at the moment that make me think people are just crazy about forensic medicine and finding out what is in the briefcase.
As our world changes the shows we love to watch change with them. Computers and technology are used to solve crimes unless they go rogue and try to take over the world where once they just shouted danger.
It will only be a matter of time before more and more technology and wild ideas seep into the most ordinary of shows. Backyard Blitz will consist of mechanised warriors controlled by hyper intelligent rats no doubt. It’s in the stars. Its not that I am all about the future. Dragons are rad also. I would probably watch more daytime soaps if Alf had to battle a bloody dragon every now and then.
It’s for the best there are not robots or space travel in more shows. I would be watching the international cyborg wife swap games instead of writing fresh words and revealing truths that make the Rosetta stone look like a poo smear on a take away menu. Excuse me now while I practice my maths in order to communicate to our robot overlords when they take over.

The quandry of misty wonton

2009-08-11T17:12:00.000-07:00

The undeniable joy of challenge lurks forever in the background. It is lots of fun to do something hard and bask in the feeling of reward.

I am in a position of feeling that feeling from small things like cleaning up or shopping. I may be easily sated but I feel this is just as well. This rising price of the feeling of reward can really be quite high. Climbing wild mountains or running to the bottom of the ocean really cuts into cake and tv time. So let this be a warning. Small joys can potentially be gateway activities for craziness. The next time you find yourself wearing flame retardant trousers on a motorbike. Know you have gone to far.

The day of wild eyes.

2009-05-27T09:05:00.000-07:00

The faces and questing of romantic eyed idea pants is full of glory and tasty feelings. Size does not matter. The place can be wonderful regardless of the social notion of what it is.

There is no right or wrong as to how things like this can roll. Be open and ready to give in the ways you know how. Be you and be real. No ghosts or cut outs of what you should be. Only your bones sitting in such a way that they cause thoughtful giggle attacks.

The dice roll well everytime. The numbers cannot be stopped.

Potatoe Flux

2009-05-26T04:51:00.000-07:00

The powerful notion of how things are supposed to be is usually an illusion, a picture in our minds of the way we imagine they should be.

This week I was lucky enough to attend a wonderful dinner party. The food was wonderful and the table talk was also tops and super. Ranging from what would be the worst animal to be attacked by to the ideas of technology and its alteration of us and our world.

I have had a few conversations of late mostly with people I do not know about the dangers of the internet in its isolation of people and the degradation of the current social fabric and its general health.

Indeed we cannot deny that the internet has changed the world so dramatically. It has been around for something like 5000 days and it has really altered many things about how people interface with the world, this living machine that we are shaping is shaping us. Technology has really rocketed things along at quite a pace in the last 40 years. We have changed the way we approach the world and how we live very much continuously really. We are the products of the tools we build to alter our reality. They have altered us no doubt.

What I want to point out is that we have been constantly changing. In dramatic and wild ways for a long time. We are nothing like the monkeys we used to be. The industrial revolution really altered our day to day. Changing our social networks from villages of 150 people to cities of millions is a big change.

So think twice about history and our rise from the oceans strange men with funny hats on trains when you come at me with this blab about facebook being the end of humanity. It is another signifying landmark that points towards the way we are changing but I doubt it will make us tumble into extinction.

We have been tumbling up the ladder for a while now and it seems we will continue to do so.

noob.

TIme over the window lord

2009-05-23T20:01:00.000-07:00

One day in Paris I will confront a golden wild cyborg of my desire and we shall fuse into a borg collective like beast and all will be well and merry in the land. No pancake or laser or errand crossbow bolt will break the bond of joy and perfection. No chicken breast with a fine layer of cheese and tomato paste and doom will darken our skies.

This is my dream. This is my pursuit of happiness. I intend to attack this mountain with the vigour of a wild beast in search of the ideal meal.

Frowny Beard arms.

2009-05-22T23:18:00.001-07:00

Beards have been getting a bad rap. It's true they have been in the public eye more than usual of late featuring in anything from homemade terrorcasts to fancy magic movies with genius owls and flying brooms . The downside is beards have been attached to wicked men who intend to bring down the west for the whore of civilisations or something along those lines. (clearly they have not had the joyful experience of choice that a food court can provide, the choice is wonderful and can create panic and doom)

Indeed beards have been associated with terror. Planes in buildings and angry guttural whispering for Allah do not like facial grooming to involving shaving or cutting of hair on the chin. Let's be honest here people really do associate ways of thinking with what you look like. Hippies get pinned as free thinkers who want to change the world into a green place. While the truth may be that people who wear lots of natural fibres along with shaggy manes are considered hippies. They are most likely bang up for fire twirling, trance and beans while changing the world might be in the same position as most compassion filled merchant bankers. The old saying about judging books by their covers seems to ring true. If you give people a chance they will usually surprise you (lets hope pleasantly). We should know by now our preconceived notions of reality are poorly put together at the best of times.

So people do not always appear as they are. Thanks for the powerful wisdom laser in my eye Bart but what are you really getting at?

Well what I am really getting at boils down to beards once again. The beard has been a noble addition to faces since enough hair was lost off of them that the addition of hair was with noting and naming. Yes thats right since we were not monkeys we have grown beards to be rad.

Kings, Wizards and Santa Claus are a few of the great champions of beards and my what a great gang to look up to and hope to be like one day. Caring, magical, benevolent and radical in the face. No wonder some ladies cultivate a moustache. It is just a wonderful thing.

It makes me wonder if those with terror on their minds are getting at with beards. Do they want to be the wizards. Are they angry at the West for holding them back in becoming old fashion Kings or is there something about the USA's foreign policy and the restriction of wizardry?

I think it is a shame that a few dudes can bring such a wonderful and ancient facial code down.
Let the beard roam free and do not judge it. Its a great creature and should be allowed to hide chins as it sees fit.

Lets remember all the good things beards did.

outside the golden quadrant.

2009-05-21T07:12:00.000-07:00

Inside the city like a ghost. Eating chips and wandering the busy streets. Rain and cars mixing the air into a storm of mist and smells. Some kind of great sky taco ready for a gastronomic god to sample and smite.

Partaking in the bogan arts. The giggles and disinterested chatter from tables of men all big and strong in their relaxed sweat pants and hoodie attire. The world is turning quicker than we can fathom. Foolish and dull eyed we scramble for the outer suburban chicken shack churches.

There is this dream that fashion magazines and music television creates of a world full of beauty, love, passion and togetherness. A well fitting design that wants to buy watches and sunglasses for the purpose of getting to the slopes on time, with the idea of fighting the glare of the sun and perfect while enjoying a perfect body and company.

We all know its a lie. I feel it eating away my pants as I sit on a crowded train leaving the heart of a wild all over the place city. So many stations with strange names and treelined streets. So many people caught in their smart phones shuffling on and off the steal serpent to watch TV and eat and talk about the latest movies.

We are touching the sky no doubt. People are exploring places we have only dreamed. Glorious moments of focus and truth crystalising into love that is then bottled and used to cure apes with cancer. However these things are rarer than we believe. They are on the fringe of what we do but the focus of our dreams. We reach to touch the stars with food caught in our teeth. With stains on our pants. Pockets pulling out pants down due to excessive change.

I suppose what I am saying is.... the suburbs are a bit of a drag at times.

The Underground Ninja Storm.

2009-05-06T06:33:00.000-07:00

Feeling indie, feeling like the down low. Getting the hot sauce but need a flavour that is sooo fresh and wild that you want bands and art. You want the underground face storm of joy and exploration? Well you might have found the blog that gives secrets away that don't even exist yet. Underground fresh so hot and smoking the oven is only two paces behind.

There seems to be a fine balance in finding something new and coveting it like a rare and glorious jewel that one other foolish adventurers are yet to stumble upon and sully with their dirty eyes.

I wonder why finding something special that is relatively unknown is all the more magical? Why when something becomes more widely accepted you will find faces turned away from the sunlight of their success muttering that they knew them back then. Back when they were underground. Underground!!!! Like some kind of gravy mole with all of the treasure.

Are we so contrary that when someone achieves widespread success we feel betrayed. It seems so. Oh The Killers are fresh. Man they have some sweet songs. They are a bit unknown. They are a bit indie and underground. Indeed they have the spices I desire on my music. What's that you say? Everyone loves them? FUCK THAT MAN! I want the underground flavour! Suck a dick!

Luckily this blog has a sweet sweet underground tang. Come get it while you can blog hungry babies. Come suck up the sweet sweet good times while they last because this little tacker is going to the top. Soon enough wide spread success will devour all true joy as the masses flock in and suck out the joy like arse master vampires.

Albino Taste!

2009-05-03T04:40:00.000-07:00

Doing nothing for a week has its perks. Especially if you need a break from the stresses of modern life. I have been trying to concoct a scheme to make a large amount of money by just using my mind. If all goes well I could by the internet and start putting it in vitamins which is something I have been planning on for sometime. There are alot of nutrients in this beastly unified machine and people usually have to stare at a screen for a few hours to get their power.

Under my new plan I will be able to give noobs all of the lol they need in one serve a day. I love sitting infront of the computer but sometimes I have to do tax or walk with my powerful man legs. I can multitask better than many people would believe but I cannot walk, tax and pwn emails. This is why vitamins are important.

Speaking of said vitamins in our culture I would like to call into question the keen eye we western devils have for vitamins and in Melbourne discount vitamins. There are many fine stores within this city that sell discount health products. I am all for being the best I can be but I seriously question the need for things that make my urine glow or my muscles shine. The perfect human surely does not need to be like Vin Diesel

Wonderful Eyes

2009-04-30T03:48:00.000-07:00

When something big and crazy finishes there is usually a gap left. A hole where the festival or crisis or wild times used to be. The Melbourne comedy festival was a bright shining light full of wild times, hardtimes and bright lights. Last year when it finished I found myself walking through where the buzz used to be the week after and feeling an emptiness. Understandable I hear you murmur yes yes of course only normal.

I felt ready for a break this year. It seemed that my brain was slowly falling apart. Forgetting gigs and sleeping so deeply but being tired the next day. Coming to wandering in a paddock only wearing an apron and holding a battle axe.

Good to stop doing comedy but sad to say goodbye. It was a great ride. Now its back to apples in the afternoon sunshine. I had one today and sadly the apple sticker would not stick to me. This stickers and the sticking of them to my clothes is one of my favourite things. Joy to apples and the stickers they come with.

The oddites of things

2009-04-22T22:20:00.000-07:00

The Melbourne comedy festival has been a wild wonderful trip this year. I have had many fun fine shows. Full of faces that smile. Some faces do not smile and that is also okay. I know I am not a very outwardly vocal person when I am enjoying a show. I do not laugh or cry or yelp very much when the going is good. It is a very internal thing for me. Oh the outside I may be a very quite sober looking fellow. However on the inside, in the landscape of my mind I am having an amazing party of glory and wild outrageous activity. I am flying on marshmallow whales and scream at statues made of sex. Its like I am djing to the universe with the phattest beats ever invented. Its wild times. This is not shown though. This is never hinted at. The most I might do is lift my eyebrow and wink or smile a little bit in the wrong direction. This is how I work. For some reason the fireworks are not evident.

Great events of massive proportions happen like this all the time in nature and the universe at large. Huge energy transfer and what not. It is only common for Hollywood to show such zing and zam.

All of this is fine. It actually helps me when I have someone who is not overly expressive in my show. It is easy to imagine such grand events happening inside their minds. Such as collisions of stars and what not.

Of course there is the small chance of them simply not getting my unique blend of nerd core absurdest humour with a profound twist but the chances of that are as slim as a supernova going off in someones face.

Bam bam bam! Its jam time.

Nonstop food attack with funny tram

2009-04-06T07:09:00.000-07:00

Comedy festival is going freaking great so far. So much good stuff around in the way of shows and food and people. Today I showed my friend Isa around Melbourne. Nice food and trams mixed with sunshine and rain in a true Melbourne fashion. There was some exciting action on the 86 tram where a crazy lady did some really wild yelling and spiting and punching. Holy shit there are some wild eyes in the city. I always wonder if people need more to connect to in the belly of the beast that is big cities. I wonder if there is a way that we can reach out like blogs have allowed over the net. As if our social ability has been out grown by the progress of the metropolis around us.

There are to many toothless broken people or just plain lonely people to make me think otherwise. I need to create a happy machine that shoots out banana's and sweet feelings. Something that will quell the wild eyed frenzy that is fuelled by loneliness and hurt. I need a wand and a fancy robe. I need to stop the Balrog at the gates and eat some more chicken. I need a monk to bless the chaos and find truth in the turning tides.

clearly a master of the blog. Oh train me wise internetz :P

2009-03-23T09:27:00.000-07:00

Okay so lets lay it down that I definitely have to do more writing on this page if I am to be regarded as a blogger. I need to craft some sweet words about my feelings and how I am slightly dissatisfied with the direction that the world is heading. It can be stated now that silence is not a good stand out opinion for Internet blog barons and baronesses. You really do need to feel strongly about things and stuff, so strongly infact that you would write words about it and share feelings over this giant pixel domain.

I have feelings! I want to speak them to the world rawr! Surely I have had a reason I have not been writing meaningful words...... maybe I should have a reason ....how about I try list a few excuses and once they are out of the way I get back to my world view. Firstly I have been really busy. No no no really I have. I have deep in the mist of the Adelaide Fringe Festival and all of its glory. Such a wonderful town and such a great meeting of fun shows and fancy great people. My new show Doppleganger has been up until a few nights ago showing at the glorious Tuxedo Cat, which just happens to be one of the coolest places in the southern hemisphere easily perched on a rooftop being all great and magical. So yeah I have been like performing and shit and whatever. I have not had that much time to talk about my feelings or Obama's face (the truth is I have been watching talks from ted.com and doing my WoW Jemcrafting daily if I have the time. Oh oh also I have been raging like a teenager over the changes of facebook. Adelaide has been full of great shows and goodtimes. Festival late nights seasoned with 24hour bakeries and fine fine iced coffee. All of the bounty of Adelaide laid upon the table of fun.

The Fringe went for three and a half weeks and ended on the same weekend as the V8 supercars so there was a heady mix of bogan and arty type. The fusion mainly resulted in half eaten felafel kebabs being run over by cars with more horsepower then they knew what to do with. Put those darn horses and their power to pasture mofo wild eye Jim Beam guzzling dirty face. Beards don't mean you are wise when you are driving one of two brands of car that is for sure. Moses would have wept.

Hmm now there was a second reason as to why I have not written on this blog. It would certainly look better if I had another one. Some sort of solid powerful reality to back me up yo. Whatever. I have been busy. Consider this the second post and let the funtimes begin. Oh yes yes Baby! Reason is overrated. Let ocean of emotion rock you to sleep lolz.

Entry onto the online galleon of web delights

2009-02-19T21:29:00.000-08:00

This is a secret but I have been putting off starting a blog. Levelling up my skinning on world of warcraft, eating cupcakes. going for run. Indeed life has been moving on quite well in the absence of this almighty blog. What can I say things have been changing. I have recently moved down to Melbourne and have been busy catching trams so that I may validate not only myself but my ticket.

So why put off such a wonderful thing as blog Bart?

Well good question. To be honest I am not really sure. It seems that there are just so many interesting distracting things to do during a day that as bedtime rolls around it is much to late for me to do that yoga routine let alone start the blog.

The very thing that I am starting the blog on is distracting me. Damn you YouTube with your endless tangents and user choice. Damn you facebook with your trickle of updates and photos.

Let me clarify, when I say I am starting a blog on the Internet I do not mean this blog will be about the Internet. Well it might have some Internet involved in it but mainly this blog will be about waffle, foolishness and wacky zingers. NO when I say I am starting a blog on the Internet I mean on the Internet like a sailor is on a boat. As if a sailor/blog could be anywhere else. Like someone is indeed blogging on chunks of wood in their backyard with a chisel. Like blogging has been going on for a long time and exists over a wide span of history and mediums. I think the closest thing to blogging would be soapboxes or the opinion section of the paper. There is no ancient blog stone waiting to be found in Egypt. Well I don't think so. If there is then I welcome myself to this age old tradition of writing bollocks by putting on my blogger's and hat and cane, get ready for some piece of mind lightning bolts while I do the almighty blog summoning dance.

Stone Henge is merely an old blog. The druids were the first geeks, posting comments with magic crayon under the moonlight. Under close inspection you can see the wtfs and lols still there today. It fell into ruin when the head druid did a particularly racy post about God and the shape of the earth and everyone rated it so low blogging was then outlawed and pushed deep into the underground.

So I am pretty much a druid now. I am pretty much wielding old magics. Don't FUCK with the blog druid k thx bai.