Google can bite a dick.

faaarrrrkkkin bullshit aye. Google got me bloody passwords and me cookies and it wantz me to be some kinda tricky computer cunt. I wanna farking smash this bloody goose but I haven't the time sadly.

My salty anger will boil away quietly as I sit at my desk.

For some reason or another I get very miffed when large web companies whom I am dependent on change their shit. Ahhh! For one I think they do a bad job generally. For two I feel my attachment to them as ridiculous. We all suckle upon the pixel boot. Nourish me with your emails and foolish time wasting ways internet. Let Faggot stream into my soul.

AHHH!!

It's been to long I love you

Happy Endings…

Most people like watching movies. It is relaxing and you get to eat tasty foods. The things you sit on are usually very nice as well (my favourite is the humble beanbag). The bright colours and sounds are fun and enthralling. Their existence is engrained in our culture. Saying most people enjoy movies is a pretty safe bet. A lot of the time there are good guys and bad guys and maybe a battle which leads to a climax where the good guys win. Oh wait did I just explain the plot of Avatar…. Anyway moving along.
Happy endings are included if not expected in most movies. There are a few meanings to the phrase happy ending. From princess and princes living happily ever after and good triumphing to sexual relief after a massage. I am sure you could find both in some movies but for now let’s assume I am talking about something more akin to living happily ever after than the sticky massage parlour thing.
I can understand why a happy ending in movies are good idea. Why people want to see something perfect and wonderful. Movie watching is an escape - A chance to get away from the grind of life. Forget about the fact that you are lonely and empty and watch these awesome mutants kill people and fall in love with perfect looking alien ladies. Watch the secret agent charm and kill his way through an evil geniuses army with ease and grace deflecting death lasers with his fancy watch. Enjoy the explosions and car chases. Soak up the wonderful adventure and romance. Suck it all up along with the 5 litres your choice of sugary beverage. Let your heart race and your dreams balloon. Find yourself at home willing with you all of your might to become a giant a blue person who communes with the earth mother in between kicking serious arse.
I am down with glamour movies offer. Even crap ones. The bone I have to pick is that the majority of the time the good guys win. In fact most movies that have been made where there is a winner and a loser the winner is the good guys. A lot of the time this is fair enough. The bad guys are pretty damn bad and it is for the best they are vanquished. Hooray for the gleaming shiny gun toting good people.
That said the good guys are pretty crappy a lot of the time. They are all looks and guts and somehow they win. While the bad guys have spent a lot of time planning and making things work, the evil genius is pretty spiffy and clearly misunderstood. To be honest it’s all a bit misleading. I’ve got news for you good guys. You don’t win with just guts and looks. Hard work and planning mixed with determination win more often. I suppose I can rejoice that this is the case in real life. I just hope everyone realises being a nice person and trying hard might not get you anywhere. All I’m saying is that having a death laser might be a better idea
So as the veil between fantasy and reality is slowly worn away by wizards such as James Cameron. I bid you all remember that in the end nobody wins regardless of how many death lasers or guts they have. Let’s be honest the phrase happy ending means dying well when you think about it. Which depending on how many movies you have watched it might be finding out that Morgan Freeman is actually god.

I heart Robots

Have you ever seen Battlestar Galactica? No? That’s okay its not widely known outside of circles who own twenty sided dice. The quick rundown is it’s a TV series where people are flying around in Space looking for a new home while being chased by robots who are called Cylons . They look just like people but don’t look or come across very hardcore compared to Arnie asking for your clothes and your motorcycle. That said they are nasty nuked most of the human race.
An episode usually goes something like. OH NOES! Watch out the Cylons are coming in their fancy ships with wild dangerous lasers shooting all over. Run for your lives! Use your spaceships to warp jump throughout the universe as the evil machines chase your tail. Whose human? Whose machine? Nobody knows. Lucky everyone has a fancy spacesuit on and is hot.
The downside for me is the drama this entails. Emotions like hope and anger run high on this ship where the lesser of two evils sort of decisions happen constantly. Things blow up, people make out and the fate of humanity swings in the hands of fate.
I am torn. I love seeing robots fight people and explosions are great. The show could only get better if there were werewolves with huge jugs using light sabres to make delicious vegetable pastries. The thing I cannot stand is the sappy emotional 2 dimensional weepy wailing. Granted people do tend to get upset over things and being chased by hot robots in space would surely increase emotional vulnerability. Sure you are sad you have been dating a robot and she used a nuke to blow up your favourite planet. I understand, for my sanity and viewing pleasure please wipe away your tears and lead an air assault on the Cylon ore refinery.
So you got me Battlestar. I come back for more. You make me feel empty when you cry and touch yourself in the corner but your explosions are hot.
I have always sworn off soaps. Neighbours and Home and Away were avoided at all times. Battlestar has shown me something about myself. I like robots and space more than I hate shallow overacted drama.
Do the movies and TV shows we like to watch have to do with how much we relate with them. If you are into watching overweight people cry then you have options. There are lot of shows around at the moment that make me think people are just crazy about forensic medicine and finding out what is in the briefcase.
As our world changes the shows we love to watch change with them. Computers and technology are used to solve crimes unless they go rogue and try to take over the world where once they just shouted danger.
It will only be a matter of time before more and more technology and wild ideas seep into the most ordinary of shows. Backyard Blitz will consist of mechanised warriors controlled by hyper intelligent rats no doubt. It’s in the stars. Its not that I am all about the future. Dragons are rad also. I would probably watch more daytime soaps if Alf had to battle a bloody dragon every now and then.
It’s for the best there are not robots or space travel in more shows. I would be watching the international cyborg wife swap games instead of writing fresh words and revealing truths that make the Rosetta stone look like a poo smear on a take away menu. Excuse me now while I practice my maths in order to communicate to our robot overlords when they take over.

The quandry of misty wonton

The undeniable joy of challenge lurks forever in the background. It is lots of fun to do something hard and bask in the feeling of reward. 

I am in a position of feeling that feeling from small things like cleaning up or shopping. I may be easily sated but I feel this is just as well. This rising price of the feeling of reward can really be quite high. Climbing wild mountains or running to the bottom of the ocean really cuts into cake and tv time. So let this be a warning. Small joys can potentially be gateway activities for craziness. The next time you find yourself wearing flame retardant trousers on a motorbike. Know you have gone to far. 

The day of wild eyes.

The faces and questing of romantic eyed idea pants is full of glory and tasty feelings. Size does not matter. The place can be wonderful regardless of the social notion of what it is.

There is no right or wrong as to how things like this can roll. Be open and ready to give in the ways you know how. Be you and be real. No ghosts or cut outs of what you should be. Only your bones sitting in such a way that they cause thoughtful giggle attacks.

The dice roll well everytime. The numbers cannot be stopped.

Potatoe Flux

The powerful notion of how things are supposed to be is usually an illusion, a picture in our minds of the way we imagine they should be.

This week I was lucky enough to attend a wonderful dinner party. The food was wonderful and the table talk was also tops and super. Ranging from what would be the worst animal to be attacked by to the ideas of technology and its alteration of us and our world.

I have had a few conversations of late mostly with people I do not know about the dangers of the internet in its isolation of people and the degradation of the current social fabric and its general health.

Indeed we cannot deny that the internet has changed the world so dramatically. It has been around for something like 5000 days and it has really altered many things about how people interface with the world, this living machine that we are shaping is shaping us. Technology has really rocketed things along at quite a pace in the last 40 years. We have changed the way we approach the world and how we live very much continuously really. We are the products of the tools we build to alter our reality. They have altered us no doubt.

What I want to point out is that we have been constantly changing. In dramatic and wild ways for a long time. We are nothing like the monkeys we used to be. The industrial revolution really altered our day to day. Changing our social networks from villages of 150 people to cities of millions is a big change.

So think twice about history and our rise from the oceans strange men with funny hats on trains when you come at me with this blab about facebook being the end of humanity. It is another signifying landmark that points towards the way we are changing but I doubt it will make us tumble into extinction.

We have been tumbling up the ladder for a while now and it seems we will continue to do so.

noob.

TIme over the window lord

One day in Paris I will confront a golden wild cyborg of my desire and we shall fuse into a borg collective like beast and all will be well and merry in the land. No pancake or laser or errand crossbow bolt will break the bond of joy and perfection. No chicken breast with a fine layer of cheese and tomato paste and doom will darken our skies.

This is my dream. This is my pursuit of happiness. I intend to attack this mountain with the vigour of a wild beast in search of the ideal meal.